Facing Ghosts
by KatieTaylor
Summary: Steve learns something about Danny. It makes him face some ghosts from his past, and overcome some fears and doubts he's been carrying around since he was a kid. It's all worth it, though.
1. The Meeting

_A/N: I don't know about this one, guys. But it started out, as usual, with a bit I needed to write because it keeps swirling around in my head. And I'm not sure if I should have posted it, but I'm an addict, so here you go. Hopefully it will turn out okay. Not sure how quickly I'll be able to update it. My guess is this will be three chapters. Who knows after that._

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Steve parked his truck at the curb and got out to walk the short path up to the modest house. He checked his badge and gun at his hip, out of habit more than anything else. He wasn't expecting any trouble. He was just doing a routine follow up on a lead, interviewing a possible witness. It could have waited until the morning, and he'd hear about that from Danny tomorrow, but Steve had no interest in going home yet.

The house had felt too quiet this morning and his ghosts too loud. Lynn was busy with the start of school and even if she weren't she wasn't going to be much help, even if he knew she would have tried her best. Danny had a date with Melissa. He shook the thoughts off as he stepped onto the porch and knocked on the front door.

It was a long moment before he heard someone approach the door. It opened to the face he recognized from the security footage. Tall, lean, native Hawaiian, mid-thirties. His hair was mussed, his lips swollen, and a flush noticeable even with the dark skin. Steve winced. He hadn't meant to interrupt a date, but then what did he expect on a Friday night?

"Yes?"

"Kai Kamaka?"

"Yeah, can I help you?"

"Sorry to interrupt your evening, I won't take long. Steve McGarrett, 5-0, do you—"

"Steve?" Steve raised an eyebrow. "You must be looking for Danny. Come on in," and he turned away from the door. Steve's jaw dropped, mostly speechless.

"Huh? No. What?" But the guy was already heading back into the house. "The hell?" Steve muttered to himself, but followed.

"Hey, babe," Kai called. "Your Steve's here."

An unmistakable Jersey accent shot through from deeper in the house. "Oh, no no no. I do not take responsibility for that Neander- wait, what?"

Steven's thoughts, exactly. He entered the living room three steps behind his witness. Danny was on his feet looking at his phone, as if trying to find the message he'd missed that Steven never sent.

"Steve? What's going on?" Panic flashed through his eyes and made his voice waver, which just – no. No matter the confusion Steve was feeling, he couldn't let whatever horrible thoughts were going through his friend's head stay there. Because of course something terrible had happened for Steve to track him down and crash his Friday night. Melissa, who Steve only just now noticed sitting on the couch, must have heard that in his voice as well because she abandoned the task of doing up a button of her shirt to reach out and give Danny a reassuring touch.

"Nothing. I'm just following up on a lead." The panic left and he frowned and looked back at his phone.

"I didn't get your message."

"Yeah, because I didn't send you one."

Danny looked back up at him, now all fire in his eyes and gearing up for a rant. Despite the situation, the corner of Steve's mouth twitched up. Danny could change direction as fast as he could talk.

"So, not only did you decide to hijack my evening – when I very specifically told you I was busy – but you don't call first? Which means," he narrowed his eyes before saying, "you tracked me here, you Neanderthal!"

Melissa laughed and Steve was distracted for a moment by Kai standing behind her, rubbing her shoulders – his best friend's girlfriend's shoulders. He scowled at them, but they were both looking fondly at Danny and didn't seem to notice.

"I'm waiting, Steven."

"Aw, do you have to go into work, Danny," Melissa asked. Danny started to respond, but Steve beat him to it.

"No. _No_. I didn't call you Danny and I didn't know you were here. I'm just following up on the way home."

"And following up a lead on your own, without backup, is better?"

"Yes?"

"No, Steven." Then: "Wait, you're only getting home now? You sent the rest of us home hours ago ."

Steve just shrugged and Danny must have recognized something in his face because he softened and took a step toward him and put a hand on his arm, and that was the first thing that felt right to Steve all day. He relaxed.

"Oh, babe." Then confusion again. "So if you weren't looking for me and didn't know I was here... why are you here?"

Steve looked back up to Kai, still entirely too comfortable with Melissa. His scowl returned and she noticed this time, because her smile disappeared and she left his embrace to sit back on the couch. He knew it was quickly morphing into what Danny called his "SEAL death glare" as he turned it fully on Kai.

"Am I a suspect in something?" Kai turned wide eyes to Danny. _No_ , Steve thought to himself, _you weren't, but I'm quickly starting to change my opinion_.

But Steve shook head, dropped his glare and turned back to Danny. "I got a lead on that heist case." Danny nodded, stepped closer to Kai, put a hand on his shoulder and suggested he sit down as he waited for Steve to continue. "After you guys left the Palace, we got the surveillance footage from The Laundromat."

The Laundromat was a gay bar with a good reputation. It was also the last place their suspect had used their credit card and matched the location of the last ping to his cell before he'd disappeared.

"I went through it and found our guy easy. No sign of where he went when he left; he gets lost in the crowd. He stays mostly to himself at the bar when he is on camera, though. The only person he talks to besides the bartender was you."

He fished his phone of his pocket and found the guy's photo. He showed it to Kai, Danny looking at it over his shoulder. "The bartender could ID you but not our suspect. You recognize this guy?"

Kai's brow furrowed as he studied the photo. Melissa ran her hand along his thigh.

"Yeah, I remember talking to him. I haven't been in a lot lately, but I went after work one day to catch up with a friend. I went to the bar to grab a drink while I waited for him and this guy was there nursing his drink. He seemed jittery and kind of upset. I don't know why I talked to him actually. I think I was still on that 'I feel great and everyone around me should also feel great' kind of high." Melissa grinned and squeezed his leg. Danny seemed focused on the case now and Steve just saw him trying to match the story to the facts of the case. "I guess I wanted to try and cheer him up."

"And how did that go?"

Kai shrugged. "I think he was a few drinks in already or something. Like he wanted to talk but had been holding himself back. He said he'd fucked up at work. Thought he might have to relocate and didn't want to."

"Did he say where? Give any indication what he might do next?"

"Nah. He closed up pretty quick after that, when I started asking about his family. Sorry, man."

Steve nodded. It was about what he expected, but it had been worth a shot. And it kept him out of the house.

Of course, now he had a lot more questions, and a lot more to think about. And none of it was about work.

And now the awkward was back. He scratched the back of his head. "All right. Thanks for your help anyway. If you think of anything else let, uh, maybe let Danny know." His eyes flicked between each of them, all very close to each other, and he needed to get out. "Sorry, again, for interrupting. I'll see ya later, Danny. I'll let myself out."

He could barely look at Danny as he turned to leave. He tried to keep his mind on the case, but it was no use. All he could think about was the three people still in the living room. Danny was either letting his girlfriend cheat on him right in front of him – because Danny wasn't blind – or the three of them were together and... Steven could not think about that right now.

The ghosts would be changing their scripts tonight.

He'd almost escaped, was just crossing the threshold, when he heard Danny behind him, and felt his hand grab his wrist.

"Steve, wait." He turned around, but Danny didn't let go. "y'all right?"

He shrugged. "Nothing I haven't gone through before."

"Yeah, but... I'll come home with you."

"No, Danny, of course not." _Yes, Danny._ "Stay here and enjoy your evening. I really didn't mean to interrupt your night." His eyes drifted back into the house, as if he could see what Melissa and Kai were doing through the walls. Danny finally let go of him.

"You have questions."

 _Yes!_ Another shrug. "None of my business."

Danny laughed. "Since when has that ever mattered?"

Steve finally grinned. Danny's smile never failed to cheer him up. "Night Danno."


	2. Facing Ghosts

Steve knew there was no way Danny would let him avoid him until Monday morning, but he was surprised when he heard his friend come through the front door so early the next morning. He took a deep breath and pulled down Danny's mug. He was not ready for this.

"Hey, babe," Danny called, following the smell of coffee into the kitchen. "I figured you'd be up this insanely early."

Steve hadn't actually gone to bed.

Danny grabbed his mug, poured his coffee, just like every normal weekday morning. Very domestic. Very much making Steve take a literal step back. Only after Danny'd had his first sip of coffee did he actually look at Steve.

"Jesus Christ, Steve, you look like shit."

"Well thank you, Daniel," he replied, with a little more heat than usual. Danny looked... well fucked, actually. He looked down into his coffee and took a long drink.

"D'ya wrestle a shark or something?"

Actually, he'd gone back to work for a bit, then to the gym, and when the ghosts wouldn't be beaten into submission, he went to the range to attack them with more fire power. He'd taken a quick nap before driving home. Next, he'd planned a nice long swim, maybe a run – anything that would exhaust him or distract him enough to shut up the voices in his head, in the house. And if that didn't make him sound crazy...

"Yo, Steve." He shook his head to clear it and focus on the here and now.

"What's going on Danny?" Well, that was out there, now thanks to his sleep-deprived brain. He hadn't wanted to ask. Didn't what to know the answer. Mostly because he didn't know what answer he wanted. He knew 'he imagined everything because he was distracted and tired' was not the answer. "Last night, with Melissa and Kai. What was that?"

"What about Melissa and Kai?" There was a flash of guilt across Danny's face. He knew exactly what Steve was talking about.

"C'mon, Danny. Why are you letting her do this to you?"

"Do what?"

Steve sighed in exasperation. "They're clearly having sex with each other."

Danny sighed and nodded. "Yes, she is, but she's not cheating on me."

"Danno—"

But Steve knew now, without a doubt, what was going on. That niggling thought that had been picking away at the back of his mind since last night, that he'd refused to fully acknowledge, had been right. Danny carried on, "because I'm sleeping with him, too. We're all sleeping together. One big, dysfunctional group."

"Danny... why?" How could she possibly need anything more than Danny?

"Because I needed different than she could give me."

" _You_ needed?"

Danny nodded. "Yeah, but we still like to have some fun. I didn't want anything serious with him and he and Melissa were really into each other. I couldn't ignore this thing I wanted anymore so this just made sense." He grinned. "But thanks for having my back."

He wrapped his hand around Steve's arm, like so many times before, and like all those times before, it sent a bolt of electricity straight through him. This time, he flinched and stepped back. _Danny is into guys._ The theory he'd formed last night was true. Danny was into guys and it was bring all his fears and doubts to the surface like an erupting volcano.

"Whoa!" Danny yelled with a scowl. "What's this? I tell you I'm bisexual and suddenly you can't stand for me to touch you? Screw you, McGarrett. I didn't think _you_ would be an asshole about it. What the hell?"

Steve didn't know if he'd emphasized the 'you' because he thought Steve was a better person than that or because he somehow knew that Steve was also... That he...

But no, he could see the anger, the hurt, on his friend's face. That was enough to quell the brewing panic attack. He would always have Danny's back and he couldn't let his friend think this was any different.

"No. Nothing. Sorry. We're good, Danno."

"Really? Because you don't seem like we're good." Steve met his eyes, gripped the back of his neck. Warmth flooded through him at the skin on skin contact and he could so easily lose himself in it.

"We're good. I promise." He let go, reluctantly. "I've just had a rough couple of days, that's all."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Nope." What he wanted to do was forget the last two days had ever happened. Then, maybe he could shove all these feelings and memories back into a corner and go back to ignoring them. He turned to head into the living room, sipping his cooling coffee to distract himself as he sat on the couch.

"Yeah see, it wasn't a request this time, Steven." He flopped onto the cushion as Steve turned on the TV. He was so close, Steve could feel the warmth of his body.

"It's not your job to drop everything just 'cause I'm having a shitty day." He kept his eyes glued to whatever Saturday morning cartoon was on the screen.

"Yes it is. It is my job. I love you, you schmuck, it is absolutely my job."

Steve didn't say anything for a long while. One cartoon ended and another one started. Danny didn't say anything else except to say it was Charlie's favourite cartoon after he laughed at something and Steve finally turned to him with a raised eyebrow. That cartoon ended as well. Danny got up and returned a few minutes later with two fresh cups of coffee.

"Does your family know?" Steve finally asked, when he accepted the warm mug with a nod of thanks.

He shrugged. "Yeah. But it was never a big deal. I got teased about guys just as much as girls and I always liked girls more, so... Definitely had more of a reason to have to learn to fight, though."

"Huh." Another long silence. During the next cartoon: "What about you and Rachel? Did you guys ever..."

Danny laughed. "You _have_ met Rachel, you know." Steve let out a nervous chuckle. "But seriously, no. I was head over heels in love with her. I had everything I needed and wanted with her. Well, until I didn't, of course. Even then, I only had eyes for her. You know this. I was in love with her – or thought I was – right up until..."

Steve looked over at him, silently urging him to continue. Danny looked nervous, watching Steve like he was trying to find an answer to something, or like he was trying to finish the sentence telepathically. And maybe that was actually working. But, now more than any other time, Steve needed to hear the words.

"Until?"

Danny took a deep breath. "Until I left her at the airport with Grace. Until I realized I loved someone else more.

Steve had always felt guilt about that, especially when everything with Charlie finally came out. Now, he was just distracted by what Danny was implying. Or, you know, outright saying.

Basically, it was everything he'd wanted since he met Danny, especially since he'd punched him in the face and then still stayed right by his side. Basically, it was everything he'd been afraid of since he was a teenager.

Danny studied him a bit longer then asked, "you?"

Steve could have sworn his heart stopped for a moment. Flash back of memories and nightmares assaulted full force instead of just knocking at the back of his mind. But this was Danny. For the first time in his life, he thought... he thought everything might be okay. That someone had his back, and not just in the field.

Which was stupid, because he'd always known that about Danny.

He swallowed hard and Danny rested a comforting hand on his thigh.

"I remember when I was a kid, my first year on the football team. Coach said I had promise, but I hadn't really had a chance to prove myself yet. Not long after the season started, one of our best players – a senior, been on the team since he was a freshman like me – he got caught with his boyfriend by some guys on the team." He scowled at the memory.

"Coach got after them for how they treated him, but he ended up leaving the team. I didn't want to let my team down. And I didn't want to disappoint my dad. When he sent us away, I thought it was my fault. I thought he knew somehow, and couldn't deal with it."

"Oh, babe." Steve just shrugged, like it didn't matter that he'd had to ignore and fear who he was growing up.

"You know about DADT. Dad was so proud of me. Quarterback, SEALs – they were the only times I ever felt like he was happy with me. I was his son. I was good at what I did. I couldn't imagine doing anything else. And even though we didn't talk for a long time, I didn't want to disappoint him. He was my dad, you know?"

Danny just nodded, gave him a supportive squeeze at the back of his neck.

"So you never—"

Steve shook his head. "It was never worth the risk while I was in Navy. I never found anyone that made me wish I could. I enjoyed my time with Catherine. There was no reason to screw anything up."

They were silent for a long while, Danny just lending his silent support as he had so many times before. Just letting Steve voice things he'd probably never said out loud before. Finally, he asked, "what about now?"

Steve had been out of the Navy since the transplant and even so, DADT had been repealed years ago. Steve didn't move, didn't say anything, barely breathed. Then he met Danny's eyes. Admitted the truth.

"I was scared about something else.


	3. The Beginning

"Oh, come on!"

Steve couldn't help but grin at his friend's outrage. These days, he wasn't sure if Danny really cared that much about football, or if he just did it because he knew it made Steve smile. He was at his most fanatical when Steven was in a 'mood'.

The mood had worn off a couple of hours ago, though. Steve had long surpassed his limit for sharing. Danny'd got up, gone to the kitchen and made them both breakfast that they ate in a comfortable silence, even Steve could see in Danny's eyes that he wanted him to elaborate.

They'd come back into the living room at some point and found some game on TV, featuring a team Danny rarely cared about. Another commercial came on, but Danny, in charge of the remote, didn't skip through it like he had the others. He let them run for a moment before speaking.

"What's different this time?" He finally asked.

"Hmm?" Steve maybe took longer than required to turn his attention to his friend from the scantily clad women on the television trying to sell him shitty beer. Not because of the expanse of exposed skin, but because he wasn't sure he was ready for this conversation to continue.

"I can't be the first guy you found this out about, babe."

Steve just shrugged, chewed on his lip like he did whenever he was about to tell Danny something important.

"I guess... I guess I wanted something for a while and that maybe scared me a little, but I didn't worry about too much because I knew I could never have it. I never really had to face that fear. And then I found out that maybe there was a chance and – how ever slim that it might be that I'd be able to have it anyway and suddenly I had to face that fear."

"You know you don't have to worry about any of that anymore, right? All those reason – those very real reason – that you had to be afraid before – none of them matter anymore. None of them."

Steve studied Danny's face for a long moment before letting out a deep breath. He closed his eyes to savour the feeling of relief, calm... peace that he felt for the first time in... maybe ever.

Because maybe Steve really could have everything.

"Danny..."


End file.
